Ariel's Two Cents

I overdid it yesterday.  I am paying for it today.  This is life with chronic illness.  Most people don't have a clue of what it's like to live with a painful, energy-limiting illness like Scleroderma , POTS ,  Long Covid or chronic fatigue .  I have all four of those and struggle daily with the symptoms these diseases cause me.  I woke up in a flare so bad that I had to cancel my plans for today and I hate when that happens.  I hate to miss out on my trauma group because I learn so much in there, but some days, my health needs to be the priority.   I tend to feel guilty when I have to cancel plans.  It's frustrating that my body doesn't cooperate with me and it's also kind of embarrassing when it fails.  I choke on water and fall on flat ground.  I feel like a walking comedy show placed here for everyone else's entertainment.  I avoid going certain places because of these deficiencies.  I'm always afraid to agree to...

I woke with a startle this morning and that should have been my sign to go back to bed and forget all about this day.  My anxiety has been through the roof since my appointment on Monday.  I've had flashbacks on a loop ever since the pelvic exam that day.  Normally, I would have scheduled that appointment for a time when I could take an anxiety tablet beforehand, but I was convinced to just to do it now.  It was my husband who convinced me to do it while we were there.  Of course, he didn't consider the effects that such an exam would have on me and blindly recommended it anyway.  I have a slight resentment with him about that now, but I'm working on processing it and moving on.   My state of mind this morning was awful, and I tried to tell my husband that, but before I could, he had already started a fight with me.  I was already dealing with anxiety off the charts and my heart was racing, so I know my POTS  was acting up, too.  My...