Ariel's Two Cents

 I had an important appointment yesterday afternoon.  I met with my urogynecologist's Nurse Practitioner, Katrina Whipple.  It was my first time meeting with her, so my anxiety was through the roof.  In fact, my anxiety was so bad that I had a massive meltdown in the morning while trying to get ready for my day.  I knew that I was going to have to tell this doctor all about my past trauma, both sexual and medical.  Both forms of trauma are pertinent to this appointment as it affects Interstitial Cystitis in a big way.  Every time I have anxiety or get upset, I have an instant bladder flare.  It's like clockwork, every single time.   When the nurse was checking me in and doing my vitals, I let her know that my blood pressure might be elevated due to my medical anxiety and past trauma.  At that point, I told her some of the minor details of my abuse by medical providers.  She was very compassionate and had empathy for what I hav...

 I'm not having the best day, so I think a venting session is in order.  Nobody pissed me off this time, besides my pain levels.  I woke up this morning with a lot of joint and muscle pain.  I'm assuming that it's another Fibromyalgia flare and I hate those worse than the other types of flares that I get.  A Fibromyalgia flare is difficult for me to ascertain as the pain and other symptoms are exceedingly similar to a Scleroderma flare .  It's difficult to keep them all straight on flare days.  It's a sad existence because when one disease or condition is not flaring, there is always another condition starting a flare.  I never get a day off from my autoimmune life. I didn't go to sleep until late last night and I'm sure that is affecting my pain level.  My pain is always higher on days with less sleep.  My body seems to need at least 8 - 9 hours of sleep to combat my autoimmune diseases, but I rarely get that these days.  I have ...

 I'm having another rest day, and I am not particularly happy about it.  Rest days are still an uphill battle for me.  I am one of the people who has been forced to believe that they only have value when they are productive members of society.  After a lifetime of being told, in no uncertain terms, that it is unacceptable to be unproductive, it's nearly impossible to allow yourself to rest.  This is where I am at now.  I know that my body needs to rest, but my mind will not allow it.  Even when I'm lying down to rest, my brain is going a million miles a minute.  I have Bipolar II and am currently in a hypomanic phase , so resting with racing thoughts is becoming even more difficult than before.   Today's rest day is brought to us courtesy of frying chicken last night.  You got it!  All I did all day long was fry chicken for an hour in the evening, and I am in so much pain today that I can hardly even get out of bed.  I wa...

  Painsomnia ...  Easily one of the most-hated aspects of my autoimmune life.  It hit me at 3 am today.  I woke up with excruciating pain ripping through my entire body.  My bedroom was too cold, and my blankets had been stolen from me.  I woke up to try and get myself warm again, but by then, my pain was too high, and it was too late for me to go back to sleep.  I asked Michael to help me get a cup of coffee (which he does every morning and never has an issue with it) and to grab my pain medication for me.  I keep it in what I call the "control bag" which is a medication bag with a combination lock on it, to keep everyone out of my controlled medications.  Michael doesn't even have the combination to it, so it's quite secure.  He got up and made the coffee, got my medications and computer for me, then promptly went back to sleep, which I have no problem with.  That is what he does every day.  It's our "normal" routine, so this...

I've had time to sit with some heavy emotions since yesterday, but I think I'm doing better today, at least somewhat better.  I did some research and spoke to a friend who knows more than I do about HPV .  My conversation with them was extremely beneficial for my mental health.  My tests are negative for HPV-16 and HPV-18 , which are the more concerning strains.  I feel better knowing that.  With the way my tests are looking right now, I might be okay, but I am still going to pursue the hysterectomy .  I am currently looking for the information I need to start the process.  My primary care physician, Cassandra, is already on-board with anything and everything that I need help with.  She is, by far, the best doctor I have ever had, and I've had a lot of doctors over the years.  She listens to her patients, and she does not gaslight them at all.  She has never made me feel any kind of negativity from her, either.  She is just a joy t...

I got some bad news today and although it's terribly personal, I feel I must share it here.  This is my blog, after all, and the sole reason I created it was to have somewhere to put all of the updates and concerns in my autoimmune life.  I got a big one today and I am not coping with it at all!  Here goes nothing... You probably remember me writing about the pelvic exam and pap smear on Monday.  The test results came in today and it's not terrible, but it's not good either.  I tested positive for High-Risk HPV - again!  This is a battle that I have been having since 2003, when I was 19 years old.  I have only had two normal pap smears in my entire life and that was in 2017 and 2020.  I had the LEEP procedure in 2012 and that was supposed to "cure" it.  I use the word "cure" cautiously as there is so much attached to the word.  Until today, I didn't know that it could "resurface" as my doctor put it.   I have had an extensive...

 As some of you may already know, I have an autoimmune disease called Scleroderma .  Scleroderma can be fatal, so it is imperative that I continue to be monitored by a rheumatologist, plus other specialists.  Scleroderma can affect several different organs, so the list of specialists can add up after a while.  I will require this monitoring for the duration of my life, however short or long that may be.  So, imagine my surprise when I received a phone call in December informing me that my rheumatologist's office, Arthritis Northwest, is no longer accepting my insurance, Molina Medicaid.  I was given the phone call with less than a month's notice that I needed to find a new provider.  Now, in my town, there are only two rheumatologists... the one I was seeing and one through Providence, and they will not see me because I am a MultiCare patient, not a Providence patient.  Cue my anxiety! Living with Scleroderma is scary enough without losing the onl...