Ariel's Two Cents

 I've been in a dark place for a few days.  I haven't been able to find the words to write about it, so I'm going to try to do so now.  I may end up deleting this for the 5,430,503rd time this week.  Who knows... Back in 2021, I was seeing a psychiatrist through MultiCare.  She was treating me for bipolar disorder but apparently, she thought that I had BPD (borderline personality disorder) , also.  She never discussed it with me.  She simply wrote it in the notes of my medical chart, clearly not realizing that I read everything that has my name attached to it.  She never had a single conversation with me about the possibility of a new diagnosis.  It was sneaky and behind-my-back and I don't like people that move like that.  I need to be able to trust my providers to communicate with me when there is an issue.  I stopped seeing her after that incident and ran from that diagnosis ever since. Last month, my meltdowns started to become...

I finally had a chance to talk to my therapist about what went down at the doctor's office last week and the positive High-Risk HPV from that exam.  I don't know why, but I always feel so much better after talking to Lori.  She has a motherly energy, and I just love talking to her, no matter what we're talking about.  She's not judgmental in the least and almost always has a solution to whatever I am dealing with.  This time around, she may have a referral to a doctor that will help me get the hysterectomy.  I'll get more information about that later this week.   As part of my therapy, Lori asked me to tell her what happened at the doctor's office.  I struggled to verbalize it, which is not a new problem for me, unfortunately.  I was able to tell her about Michael deciding for me that I should just get the exam done while we were already there.  I told her about the doctor being kind enough to use lidocaine, although it was still painful...