Ariel's Two Cents

 I guess it's time for another update about my autoimmune life.  I've had another medical emergency this past week.  Tuesday night, I took my first dose of Carbamazepine for my Bipolar mood swings .  I had an appointment scheduled with the prescribing doctor the next morning, Wednesday.  Well, when I woke up Wednesday morning, I had a rash starting on my chest.  When I met with the doctor, we decided to stop the medication, which I had already decided that without his input as soon as I saw the rash starting.  We decided to just get back to a more natural state for now and will discuss adding a new medication on our next appointment.  He told me what allergic reactions to look for and a sore throat was one of the things that he mentioned.  I woke up Thursday morning with a sore throat and the rash was much, much worse than the night before.   After doing a bit of research, I decided that it would be best if I went to Urgent Care ag...

 I've been on the move for weeks now, but I finally managed to carve out a day for some rest.  It doesn't happen often in my life, but occasionally a day of rest will manifest itself.  I'm grateful when it does happen.  Michael is off work today and for once, we don't have any appointments to attend to.  Normally, we would have my therapy appointment this afternoon, but Lori is out of the country for the next 5 weeks, so I am kind of on my own for getting through any mental hangups that may arise.  I think Michael is enjoying not taking me to town today.  I know it gets overwhelming for him when he literally never gets a day to rest.  No human body can tolerate that for very long.  Instead, we are spending the day together and catching up on some chores around the house. I slept 9 hours last night and the night before, but my body is still screaming at me.  It frustrates me when I get a lot of hours of sleep, but I still feel fatigued....

 I'm not Christian, but like many non-religious households in America, we partake in certain elements of the traditions that most of us were a part of as children.  This is no different for my family.  This weekend was Easter Weekend, and although we did not attend any religious services, we did have a family get-together.  My son who has unofficially moved out, came home and brought his girlfriend with him.  We just love her to death, so this was not a problem at all!  I wasn't able to afford the traditional Easter meal, and the kids all wanted fried chicken instead, so I chose to "go with the flow" and make the meal that they all wanted.  I mean, it's not often that they all agree on anything, let alone the holiday meal, so I went with it.  Interestingly enough, "go with the flow" was my intention on Insight Timer yesterday, so it was fitting that the day went the way that it did.  I was given ample opportunity to utilize my intention for t...

Today has been a bad day for me, and I think writing about it might help me to process it.  I woke up in a lot of pain this morning.  I overdid it yesterday by going to my group therapy session, then running errands afterwards.  The meltdown first thing yesterday morning was not helpful for my spoons.  I use an app to track my spoons.  It's called Visible  and it uses your heart rate to track your activity level to help you not overdo it and cause a flare.  It also tracks your Morning Stability score by looking at vitals like your Heart Rate Variability (HRV) and Resting Heart Rate (RHR) to determine if you should have a rest day or if you have been pacing well.  This morning, it gave me a rating of 1/5 and asked me to be kind to myself today.  That should have told me to just crawl back in bed and forget all about this day.  I used more than double my allotted points yesterday, so I feel like today started with a massive deficit instead...

 The horrors persist, but so do I.  Every morning, I wake up in a fresh version of Hell, filled with pain, agony and lots of cuss words.  This morning was no exception.  It was barely 3:30 am when I was brutally attacked by what some of us spoonies like to call " painsomnia ", which basically means that I was in so much pain that I could not sleep any longer.  I was flaring so badly yesterday that I could not even make it to my group therapy session, so Michael was well-aware that I was feeling under the weather already.  I had to wake him up to help me get my pain medication and a cup of coffee.  He was not very happy with me for needing his help while he wanted to sleep.  My feelings were hurt, but I let it go and told him to go back to sleep while I tried writing for a while.  Well, that didn't help enough, so I needed more medication.  This time the smokable variety.  When I woke him up for help that time, I got yelled at. ...

I overdid it yesterday.  I am paying for it today.  This is life with chronic illness.  Most people don't have a clue of what it's like to live with a painful, energy-limiting illness like Scleroderma , POTS ,  Long Covid or chronic fatigue .  I have all four of those and struggle daily with the symptoms these diseases cause me.  I woke up in a flare so bad that I had to cancel my plans for today and I hate when that happens.  I hate to miss out on my trauma group because I learn so much in there, but some days, my health needs to be the priority.   I tend to feel guilty when I have to cancel plans.  It's frustrating that my body doesn't cooperate with me and it's also kind of embarrassing when it fails.  I choke on water and fall on flat ground.  I feel like a walking comedy show placed here for everyone else's entertainment.  I avoid going certain places because of these deficiencies.  I'm always afraid to agree to...