Ariel's Two Cents

 Michael and I spent the better part of last night in the hospital.  He had gone to our primary care physician, Cassandra, and she wanted to send him to the emergency room via ambulance, but he would not allow that.  She did an EKG  at her office, and it showed atrial flutter , which needed medical attention right away.  Michael and I both have extreme medical anxiety, so this was a difficult situation for us.  Luckily, Cassandra understands our issues, so she sent a note to the emergency room so that they would know what to do with us.  I love our doctor.  She is so amazing.  As we were leaving, she gave me a hug and said, "Thank you for listening to my advice."  I hugged her back and told her, "Thank you."  Michael and I ran our errands, then headed to the hospital.  It took some convincing to get Michael to agree to go, but he finally came around to the idea.  He wanted to wait until Monday, but I knew that was not safe...

 I'm getting closer and closer to reprocessing my trauma through EMDR.  I saw my therapist yesterday afternoon and it was a rough session for me.  Part of EMDR preparation is making a "Memory List", which is a list of all of your traumatic memories, measured several different ways.  It is compiled and when you start reprocessing, you refer back to this list.  I don't know much more than that as I have not yet entered that phase of EMDR.  I have been working with Lori for 9 months now, so I have grown to trust her.  I don't trust easily and me taking so long to trust her has nothing to do with her and everything to do with my past trauma.  I have been working on this memory list since before Christmas last year and I have hated every second of it.  I hate having to tell my story.  I hate the embarrassment and humiliation that I feel when I have to tell another living soul what was done to me.  It's just awful, but if I must go throug...

  EMDR .  Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing.  These words have been the main topic on my mind for the last year.  I read the book, "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk, and it made me a believer in EMDR.  I spent a few months searching for a therapist that was trained in EMDR, and it didn't take me long to find Lori and make her my therapist.  She's more than just a therapist to me.  She's a healer who loves her craft and I love to watch her in her element with it.  When we are at our therapy group sessions together, she just glows.  You can tell that it is, indeed, her passion.  EMDR was recommended to me many years ago, but I was nowhere near ready to deal with my trauma at the time.  I am now ready to process my trauma in a safe place with the person I trust implicitly, Lori. Lori and I have done a lot of preparation work for the reprocessing phase of EMDR.  I had a long way to go when I got to Lori...